Saturday, November 03, 2007

How To Increase Your Carbon Footprint

The other week there was a supplement in my Daily Telegraph however I was disgusted to see that it was some green hippy shite. The supplement was called Greener Living 24/7 and was 'advising' people about how to live greener lives. It focused on how we can reduce our carbon footprint. Although everyone knows that such a task is pointless because carbon dioxide does not contribute to any form of climate change.

I believe that we should piss off these green hippies by increasing our carbon footprint by as much as possible. If you do not know how to do this then do not worry because I will help you. What you have to remember is that every little helps but let us start with the big, expensive activities.

Nothing increases your carbon footprint like a long haul flight so be sure to book yourself a holiday somewhere far away and/or exotic such as; Australia, New Zealand, the far east, USA, Maldives, South Africa and any of the pacific islands. This will be sure to irritate any hippy and you will enjoy telling your local hippy especially when you see the look of horror on their face when you tell them where you have been, how far away it is and how much carbon you have used.

If you can not getting away on holiday then I suggest you buy a new car, preferably one with a large engine or low fuel economy. Or perhaps you could buy a 4x4 or pickup truck because not only are they safe, especially with a grille guard but it is bound to get the hippies all enraged. Also your carbon footprint can increase quite considerable especially if you make every journey (long and short) in the 4x4/pickup truck.

However if these options are too expensive for you then as I said earlier every little helps so wash your clothes in the washing machine as 40 or 50 degrees rather than the government recommended 30 degrees. Remember to wash colours separately, not because the colours will run but, because it will use more carbon. Also leave the television on stand by because that way you can just pick up the remote and switch it on and again it uses more carbon.

Also try and increase your food miles. Everyone at the moment is banging on about how they want food produced locally however it can be very expensive so buy the cheaper foreign imports and increase those food miles. For example do not buy British beef, buy Australian beef, also you can buy New Zealand lamb and Braeburn apples. However be careful because some Braeburn apples are produced in France and not New Zealand, so when that occurs and you can not get New Zealand Braeburn apples then buy US Granny Smiths or some other New Zealand/Australian apples.

Well you now know how to increase your carbon footprint. If you require any more help in increasing your carbon footprint then do not hesitate in sending me an email and I will be glad to help you. So lets increase that carbon footprint and remember; keep those lights on!

21 comments:

Reagan Republican said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Reagan Republican said...

This is great. I will eat four 1 lb American Cheeseburgers today for lunch to increase my Carbon Footprint

Anonymous said...

I am working on my carbon footprint, right now I have a 80 as my household carbon footprint, trying to get it to 100! God Bless America!

Anonymous said...

Ever step inside of a greenhouse? The increased temperature is due to the thin plastic layer covering the structure. The plastic prevents U.V. radiation (part of sunlight) from leaving the building and thus increases the temperature. The plastic molecules function just like CO2 (Carbon Dioxide) molecules do in the Earth's atmosphere. Go spend several days in the greenhouse in July (without A.C.) and then see if you still think pumping carbon into the atmosphere is an appealing prospect.

Rumsfeld said...

Anonymous you're barking up the wrong tree.

In a greenhouse, the glass or the plastic is the prevalent feature of the structure. Carbon dioxide only makes up 0.05% of the earth's atmosphere

Anonymous said...

I'm doing my best to increase my carbon footprint every day and I'll be da$#ed if they ever try and make me join the religion of recycling and frequent one of their "Redemption" centers. In the infamous words of Eric Cartman "Gotdang Hippies!"

Anonymous said...

"The plastic prevents U.V. radiation (part of sunlight) from leaving the building and thus increases the temperature."

The plastic or glass cover of a greenhouse hinders IR radiation. A majority of incoming sunlight (which has very little IR component) is converted into mostly thermal energy (IR) after it hits a dark surface such as the ground or a green plant.

Anonymous said...

Rumfeld, you for got to mention that the people contribute less than 5% of that 5%. The vast majority would be in air if humans did not exist.

Jeff From L.I. said...

hey man i am right with you I am increasing my Carbon footprint as we speak. Rock on!!!

FreeCarbon said...

I feel sorry for all the trapped carbon in this world. I free it every time I find it. I burn wood, and then drip used engine oil on it to heat my shop. Then I turn on the lights that are connected to my local coal fired power plant. I keep my house heated to suit my wife, by burning propane (another trapped carbon). I free carbon trapped in prairie dogs (they ate all the grass) by evaporating them with a high speed projectiles. I also feed my cattle, I want to replenish shrinking methane levels in the atmosphere. I then grill the prime cuts over my charcoal grill (another trapped carbon). I season my steaks with Mediterranean sea salt I buy it ensuring enormous amounts of carbon are used to mine and bring it to my grocery store so I can be healthy. I then season my steaks with spices only found in poor countries (would be poorer if the didn’t sell spice) to widen my print. Darwinist --- don’t let you ancestors die in vain.
Religionist --- Take part in the bounty.
Agnostics – Be careful, splinters will infect your reproductive organs.

God created the world, men and their machines shape it

Anonymous said...

Very clever. Personally I don't believe that human activity is warming up the world and anything that winds up hippies in fine by me.

Unfortunately what is indisputable is that the world is running out of resources. We cant keep digging stuff out of the ground forever because sooner or later it is going to run out, so it won't impact the selfish idiots wasting it now, but it will affect future generations.

Congratulations you morons. You are condemning your children or grandchildren to a very unpleasant existence in which the major superpowers of the world will fight wars over resources. Within a generation America won't be the biggest kid on the block, able to bully anyone it likes. China and Russia are catching up fast.

Never mind. Feed your fat American lard arses with a few more burgers.

Anonymous said...

Republicans are the only ones who do things with the sole intention to "piss off" other people. If you don't believe in it, don't participate in it, but why bother doing things just to irritate others? Infantile.

Anonymous said...

sorry for all those stupid-a$$ comments i said earlier about greenhouses and stuff. I'm actually a flaming homosexual and love men taking me from behind. I didn't mean to talk about stuff I don't know anything about, sorry. Since 98% of all the CO2 in the atmosphere comes from volcanoes, I really can't control anything in my life and feel deeply depressed about it a lot. My bad

George W. Bush said...

FAGGOT REPUBLICANS

George W. Bush said...

A$$ MUNCHERS

Bob said...

Hahaha, very funny xD

Bob said...

Hahaha, very funny xD

Bob said...

Hahaha, very funny xD

Anonymous said...

Hahaha, very funny xD

Anonymous said...

this is ridiculous! what sick-minded person came up with this crap. when we don't have a place to live because it got wrecked by people like you then you can go find another planet for everyone to live on - ok! we are destroying our home with our very own hands. this is what you call war - war on earth and those who are fighting for it are being called 'green hippies'. people like you should be reported. you make me sick and are a disgrace to humanity.

Anonymous said...

hi the best i heard to increase ur carbon footprint is buy things from as far off locations as possible. Food, clothes, etc. dont buy local anything.